Let Loose

About three years ago, a wise woman said, "Consistant Time and Effort Produce Results". She was strong and healthy, pushing herself on the last mile of a six mile run. She realized that anything she set her mind to do, if done consistantly - could be accomplished. It was about determination and will, endurance and confidence. It became her mantra and she posted it proudly on her office wall, knowing that it was a truth to live by not just physically, but with her work, studies, prayers, even sleep - everything would be in harmony by never giving up.

Now fast forward. Having just returned from the gym, I sit at my desk staring at that poster. Yes, that "wise" woman was me. It's evening now and while on the treadmill (conveniently located in front of the window), I could see my reflection. Within the last three years I've gotten divorced, been estranged from my children, and gained thirty pounds. "What the hell happened to you?" I scolded the reflection. She answered, "You let go, stupid! You didn't live up to your own standards."

But then I realized that the same rule applies both in the negative and in the positive. Consistant time and effort spent on negative things produce negative outcomes. Now it's time to turn that back around. My personal trainer (also known as my daughter's boyfriend) predicted it will take ten months to get in the shape I want to be in. Ten!!! Holy cow, I thought. That's almost a year!!!Yup, ten months of consistant time and effort.

Another saying that I've become fond of has to do with letting go of the things you can't control and holding onto the things you can.

When I was young, my Dad taught me how to throw a baseball. He'd say "as soon as you let loose, it's over. So the aim has to happen before you let loose and if you take your time and do that part right, the ball will go where you want."

So,theoretically, if I work hard right now and stay disciplined, learn how to eat right and form good habits, eventually I'll be able to let go and I will automatically gravitate to the healthier choices. I know that is true in any part of life.

For instance, I read the Bible every single day beginning on January 1, 1988 to December 31, 2001. It was one of those One Year Bibles, 360 days of reading and when you read every day, at the end of the year, you have read all the way through the Bible. When the first day of the year rolled around, I just started over again. I had to replace the Bible three times because they literally fell apart from carrying them around. But it was a discipline and I was determined to read consistantly. At first I had to make time, but eventually I couldn't wait to sit down at my Lord's feet and hear what He had for me. Sadly though, somewhere along the way, I got out of the habit. I started my own business and it was too much juggling. Something had to give. And what gave was the most important thing.

I've started that discipline back up again this year thanks to someone who has impacted me for the better, always telling me how much better of a person I am than I think I am, always encouraging me and loving me no matter what. His faith in me is strong, but his faith in God stronger. Watching him grow has inspired and motivated me like in a way I can't describe.

So I take a deep breath, realizing that God has placed things under my control and I am responsible for the outcome of those things. The rest is in His hands and I can rest assured that He is more than capable of seeing me through when I place my trust in Him.

Conduct Unbecoming

A good friend who read my last blog Shaking Like a Leaf made a valuable comment that I will never forget. He noted that those leaves which hold on, afraid to fall - are dead. And they must, in fact, let go. Resistance is futile. He then pointed out that although I may feel "dead" at times, I have been grafted into the Tree of Life and must never lose hope. No matter what emotions rage within, the truth remains that I am alive! There is no need to fear and no need to let go.This friend also sees me as an angel with a broken wing on the mend. Although I am no angel, his point is well taken. I am "on the mend".

Another friend who recieved my recent Christmas letter in which I lamented my age, among other things, candidly commented, "dude, that letter was depressing!" 

Thank God for my honest, loving, caring, valuable friends who will speak the truth in love!

I am determined  by God's grace, to achieve my 2012 New Year's Resolution: to live the life of faith I claim. A faith in the God Who gave His life for me and to Whom I gave my life 24 years ago. The God Who has never let me down. The One Who guides me, loves me conditionally, and gently nudges me in the direction of His perfect and pleasing will.

My son has a tatoo quoting Romans 12:2 "do not conform to the pattern of this world". Like Christmas cookies which all look the same, we so easily conform to a pattern which is unbecoming to our faith. We can get all tangled up in lives that look lost and hopeless, and nothing like slaves set free from bondage. What do those who have been delivered from hell look like? What do we live like? Talk like? How will the world recognize us? If we've truly been transformed, we are not cookie cutter designs taking on the shape of those around us. We do not conform to the pattern of this world, because we are in it, but not of it.

May my life reflect the God I know and love. May His light permiate through me, regardless of how I may feel on any given day. Not because of what I've done but because of Who He is!

“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

Shaking Like a Leaf

The heavy early Colorado snow storms always damage our trees. The leaves are not quite off when the storm hits and the weight is just too much. The streets are lined with broken branches as drivers dodge through the obsticle courses and city workers try feaverishly to clear the way. 

I looked out the window and noticed even still, the day after Thanksgiving, there are a few stubborn leaves desperately hanging on for dear life. When the wind comes up, they shake before finally letting go and fluttering to the ground. But in doing so, they relieve the trees for the next storm.

I sometimes I hold on to things with a fear of letting go, even though I know that if I would just take the risk of falling, it would relieve others of the burden I cause. I may be shaking like a leaf, but God, grant me the courage to trust You in releasing those things that are left better off without me.

"Hold me, Jesus,
cuz I'm shaking like a leaf.
You have been King of my glory,
won't You be my Prince of Peace?"
- Rich Mullins

Body Parts

Today I turned 50 and can I just say that it feels like my body is falling apart? Places hurt for no apparent reason and demand my attention no matter how hard I try to ignore it.

Two weeks ago, I stubbed my left pinky toe (actually I think I broke it). Suddenly that tiny little extremity took total control of the rest of my body. It turned a fantastic shade of purple and blew up like a little balloon. It still screams the minute I stick it in a shoe. I limp around all day, then favor and pamper it at night. Meanwhile, it dictates when I work out (or not) so basically gets priority over all other parts because it's hurting!

The Scriptures call those who belong to Jesus Christ the "body" of Christ, while Jesus Himself is referred to as the "Head". The Apostle Paul uses this analogy to explain the importance of each member of the body, regardless of how insignificant some of us may seem. There are people who quietly serve the other members of the body basically unnoticed. But when that person is hurting, we should all - each member of the body - turn our attention to that person, praying for them, supporting them, comforting them, and nursing them back to spiritual, emotional or physical health. We should all gladly sacrifice whatever is necessary in order to make sure that member of body is healed.

"Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say 'because I am not an eye, I do not belong in the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as He wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?" 1 Corinthians 14-18

Full Plate

After going through the ala cart smorgasbord in the café, I arrived at the cash register with my heaping plate of food where it was placed on a scale. Not only were my eyes bigger than my stomach, but bigger than my pocketbook. The cashier held out her hand, smiling patiently. Embarrassed, I began dumping out the lint, paperclips, and wrappers from my pockets for the world to see, as the line grew and I heard an audible sigh directly behind me.

Finally, back at my desk to begin my “working lunch”, I went into my ever familiar overwhelmed mode when my auto reminder popped up with the meeting in 10 minutes. I instantly felt another hot flash coming on. Not wanting to walk into the meeting dripping with sweat, I scrambled to find my little battery operated hand held fan. “I’ve got too much on my plate!” I thought.

During the meeting, the color coded action item list was handed out and the woman next to me leaned over said, “who signed you up for all of this?” I rolled my eyes and whispered, “I did”.

Therefore, I concluded, there is no one but myself to blame. Just as I overload my plate at lunch, I overload my schedule, making it nearly impossible to keep up. My counselor had pointed out my tendency to deliberately set myself up for failure (basically sabotaging myself) in an effort to crowd out the painful issues that would eventually become unavoidable.

As they say, the first step is to recognize the problem. Good news is - there is One Who stands in the gap, waiting for me to empty my backpack loaded with guilt, hurt, fear, and anger before continuing the journey.


“Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy ladened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:30

Boundaries

The Colorado air is growing colder and the leaves are turning their familiar gold color, signaling the beginning of fall. Standing before a large, 5 foot square fire pit, I noticed how children played all around it without a care in the world, intuitively knowing they were protected by the rot iron fence. Mesmerized by the flames, I thought about how that fence created not only a sense of safety for them, but comfort and warmth for me.

During a recent trip to the zoo, in the reptile area, there was an extremely large boa constrictor coiled up against wall of its cage. A tiny girl bounced up next to me and calmly placed her hand on the glass. Her Daddy smiled and said, "he's almost as big as you are!" I immediately thought about how quickly he could devour her as a tasty appetizer. That glass represented the same feeling of safety as the fence around the fire.

Imagine the utter hysteria of both scenes without the rot iron fencing and the glass boundaries. I would be among many frantically sprinting to nearest exit!

A study was done at an elementary school playground where children played all along the fence. The fence was removed to see how the children would react, assuming they would run amuck. It turned out just the opposite. They actually played closer to the school building. Without a sense of security they instinctively pulled closer to the only thing that did represent safety.

Emotional boundaries, are much the same. Lacking boundaries all these years not only jeopardized my emotional security, but those around me as well. Always wanting to please, I was unable to say ‘no’. Eventually, I found myself being taken advantage of (understandably), because people didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t. I also held grudges against them later. And of course, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, kept those grudges bottled up inside.

I am finally discovering that having boundaries in place is critical to our emotional health and well-being and that without them we are literally like fish out of water. If the container’s gone – or even “cracked” – we eventually end up flailing and gasping outside of our intended environment.

Good Sense of Direction

I recently heard an interesting statistic about people who use GPS systems in their automobile. A survey revealed that on average, most people prefer a male voice rather than that of a female. The general consensus was that the male voice was more authoritative and people tended to trust it more.

Ironically, a friend of mine told me about a time when she was driving to an unfamiliar destination when her elderly mother began arguing with her GPS (affectionately named “Bruce”). “Mom got so irritated with him, saying ‘I don’t know why he told you to turn there, he’s just wrong!’” my friend laughed. She went on to tell me how she couldn’t even hear what Bruce was saying because her mother was arguing with him so loudly. Finally, she said, “okay, Mom, you win. I will turn Bruce off and go wherever you think is right.” Of course, they ended up completely lost.

The Holy Spirit (also known as the conscience) is our built-in GPS. Question is - do we trust Him enough to follow His direction or do we just “turn Him off”, preferring our own way? I can tell you that every time I’ve done that, without fail, I’ve ended up on the wrong path leading to nowhere. His voice will never rise up and override ours. We can willingly “quench” the Spirit (1 Thessanonians 5:19).

Even though I’ve learned that lesson the hard way, I find myself questioning His guidance. Therefore, my prayer has become that I hear Him clearly and stop arguing as if I know what’s better for me. Do I really trust His guidance? If I truly believe that God loves me and has a plan for me with my best interest at heart, why do I doubt Him for a minute?

Oh, that I would hear and follow my Master without ever looking back!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11